Audio Technology - Issue 25

Jack and the Neve-stalk It always amazes me that AudioTechnology keeps getting me to write this column and it astounds me how many people contact me just to say they enjoy what I write. I got 11% for English in my HSC, I can't spell and I don't think I've ever really figured out what a full stop is supposed to do. But I keep writing them, you keep reading them and I keep stretching the boundaries of the guff you lot will wade through. Every time I get stuck for some inspiration I fall back to that old maxim "just write what you know".

Well, at the moment I know this guy called Jack. He's a nice enough bloke: kind, helpful, but I'm not quite sure he's 'all there'. Jack was supposed to get his car registered last week but somewhere between earning the money, getting the money and leaving for the RTA, Jack got a little side-tracked. When his new wife got home, Jack was busy tinkering in his mad professor's lair (aka 'the spare room'). "Hi honey, how was your day?" she says. "Umm good?" says Jack with a slow questioning tone. "What's up?", she says. "Did you get the car registered?". "Look, about that", says Jack, "it'll have to wait until next week when I get some more money, I kinda spent the money on stuff". "What kind of stuff?" asks Jack's new wife. "Err... modules," says Jack, "magic Neve modules!" "Do we need magic Neve modules?", asks the wife with a comic smile. "Umm, not really", says Jack "but they go for thousands on eBay!" 'Are we going to put them on eBay?", the Sane One asks. "Err, not just yet, I might need them", mumbles our hero...

There is nothing too unusual about this scene except it plays out every month in my house... I can't help myself. I've tried but I really can't. I seem to spend a good portion of every day just checking around for old stuff and when I say 'around', that's a good description. I seem to go in ever-increasing circles on a never ending path from one cupboard to the next, from my place, to my friends', through antique stores, junk shops, auction houses, storerooms, sheds, warehouses and rubbish dumps. There aren't many (any?) pieces of the classic-audio jigsaw puzzle that I haven't owned, sold, bought, swapped, touched, fixed or broken. My head is a virtual minestrone soup of useless facts about old, obsolete audio junk -the kind of stuff that sells for thousands on eBay to unsuspecting rubes... the kind of stuff you want but you're not quite sure why.

You see, I actually know why you want it, because I have stumbled down that path already. It's an auditory sickness known to the afflicted as Neve-itis. It can strike at any time but I am officially known as the local carrier. It will send you broke, make your loved ones leave home and you will lose you about 5,000 words from your vocabulary. Those 5,000 will be replaced by a secret new code of about 300 words and numbers and only you and the other patients will understand this code. If you can say "1073, 1272 or La-2a " you are already affected. If the words "Neve, Fairchild or Neumann" send instant recognition signals to you brain, you're done for. If you don't believe me, write those words down on the back of the Mix-masters catalogue you downloaded last night and ask your mother if those numbers and letters mean anything to her? I bet she's never said "pure class A" in her life and she was the woman who taught you to speak. I think the point is made when I say: "1081, vari-mu" or "1176" and you're still reading.

Things would be fine if I was on my own and I was the only one with this sickness, but for every time I feel like Jack and the beanstalk holding out some magic beans that I just traded into, I seem to run into some guy who can only be described as the Giant of the story. These guys have even bigger cupboards and back sheds than mine (err, Phil are you reading this?). And every time you explain to them how you're Jack and they're the Giant, these guys 'fess up and say they thought themselves to be more like Jack and "you should see this other Giant's place up north", or "down south", "overseas" or just plain "down the road". Believe me when I tell you there is no shortage of classic, quality recording equipment tucked away right on your doorstep. In Australia, we are very fortunate to have had the Australian Broadcasting Commission, Channel 7 and Channel 9. These Giants over the last 40 years have purchased, commissioned and then decommissioned the very best audio gear ever built. The good old days of auctions and garbage dumps are over but all that gear is still with us, it has just moved to the sheds and cupboards of those of us who laugh at being Jack and openly admit to suffering the affliction of advanced Neve-itis. And those broadcasting Giants just keep on chucking out the goose that laid the golden egg. New stuff gets old, old gets obsolete, Jack gets obsolete and then Jack's wife laughs at him. All the while, the classic audio gear sits in the cupboard rotting. It's a very familiar cycle.

"That sucks... give me some", I hear the hoards cry. But when I ask, "do you want to buy some Neve preamps?", the universal response is "Sure, how much?". 'About $1,000 less per channel than on eBay," I say. "Err, yeah umm... I'd like to try them, to hear them first", moans the crowd. "Well, that's the price for them raw, untested and without a power supply", Jack says. "How much to rack them and get a power supply made." "About $1,500 less than the same thing on eBay" I say. "Err, right... got anything cheaper? What do you think about the Joe Meek stuff?".

Aside from wanting to keep the good stuff for their own studios the Jacks and Giants have a hell of a time making any money on this stuff. It's junk; heavy, nickel-plated junk. Raw and untested modules get huddled together like kids in an orphanage 'just waiting for someone to give them the love they deserve. Jacks and Giants use what they need in their studios, and sell the famous gear to pay the rent. The rest goes on a shelf to show off to next week's new Jack-on-the-block.

Okay, what does all this have to do with you? If I'm Jack and you're not the Giant, what's the big idea of just teasing you? Well, here it is - Rick's new-for-2003 I’m gonna regret this one, idea.

Because I've been taking an extra dose of 'reality pills' of late, I've decided I don't need any more old stuff (actually, as I write this, even I don't believe that one). Anyway, my junk shed and several of my friends' sheds are going to get a spring- and summer-time clean. Here's the deal: for a year or two - until I run out (or until my insanity clicks back in) - I'm going to do something no Jack or Giant would ever dream of. I am going to rack up, power up and test all of my stuff. Then I'm going to sell it. I'm going to sell it to studio people only - no sales weasels, no shops - just end-users. When my cupboards are Mother Hubbard bare, I'm starting on my friends'. I can hear them laughing now. It's an absolute fact that by the time you rack up, power up and repair this stuff you're only making about five dollars an hour. That's why this stuff isn't as cheap as when I bought it; that's why the famous stuff gets sold to America for big bucks; and that's why you can't find the classics in your local second-hand guitar store.

How can I do this, you ask? Why would I do this? The simple reason is, I am done. I don't have, and never will have, enough money to hold on to the super modules - the 1073s, 1081s, Fairchilds, LA-2As and Neumann U47 tubes - so that's not the stuff I am offering up... it's gone already. It's the other stuff, the 'only if you know what you're looking for' stuff that I am going to sell. Trust me, there are heaps and heaps of incredibly fantastic sounding studio products outside those web favourites and because none of us are rich enough to buy them without hearing them first, I am going to start the wheels in motion. Contact me, and once a month, every month, I will have a selection of classic, restored and tested audio stuff for sale - and much cheaper than on eBay. This 'racking up' thing is something I have been doing for myself and friends for years. Like most things I enjoy doing I've become very good at it, but if it becomes a hassle I'll stop. So please don't ring and ask me for an inventory or call me about 1073s. I am going to offer whatever I have racked up that month, whatever I decide to sell, in whatever order I feel like. This month it was Neve Mic Pres (three sets of four channels). Next month it could be Quad Eight or Telefunken, or more likely something that you've never heard of before. But if you want the inside scoop on your next bout of Nevs-itis, it's simple. If I'm going to the hassle of spending money upfront to rack stuff up, then that device will sound incredible - I couldn't be bothered with the smell of selling something that disappoints anyone.

This will be a slow process, I will do things in lots or sets, so I can maximise my time spent/profit margin. I don't want cash upfront, it's a 'first come, when they're ready, first served' deal. As I said, you cannot make a living from racking up classic audio modules, so despite what you see on the web - beside Brent Averill, and a few elite Hollywood types - this cannot be a full-time job for anyone. I simply want to realise the value of the junk locked up in my life and I want to see my friends on the way back to financial sanity as well. I have, or have access to, literally hundreds of superb-sounding audio modules, but remember: recording dweebs only - no salesmen, no shops, no inventory lists. . . if I have it ready and tested, it's for sale; if not, it's not.

Rick O'Neil runs Turtlerock Mastering in Camperdown. If you can't find him, don't worry, you don't have Neve-itis. And Rick, have you ever heard of the Trading Post?

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