Things that make you laugh

[Drumstruck]

Just an idea for a thread - comments or stories that give you a laugh....

So, yesterday I was experimenting with different mic positions on my kit..... move a mic, sit behind the kit, put on the cans,boomp boomp boomp, get up, move the mic, reset the level, sit behind the kit - for about an hour - you get the picture..... the stuff we like doing.... and when finished I went upstairs to see my lovely Mrs who looked at me and said "you've got headphones hair"

[Futureman]

While working at an Audio School with Audio Students and Performance students....

I sent a girl in to sing for us in the vocal booth and record a few takes... I sent her vox via an Eventide H3000 to her cans and detuned it 1 semitone. (It may have been 50 cents.. cant remember, but enough to F with her.)

The vox was recorded un-effected.

Listening to her try and record a take was priceless. Chasing a note she could never reach..

If your reading this, I am sorry.

Honest.

[Drumstruck]

Many many years ago I was a computer shop manager..... a guy had purchased a computer from me a few days before and came back into the shop - plonked the computer on the bench very angrily and said that it didn't work - he was very upset that he had paid some thousands of $s for something that was, in his mind, cr@p.....

So I told him, no probs, I'll check it and either repair it or refund your money..... plugged it in.... reached around the back and turned it on...... the computer booted up

He said "what did you just do!"

I replied..... "I turned on the power..."

Red faced he picked up his computer and stomped out of the shop

[Wiz]

In my RAAF days, each plane had a book called a "500".

In that book pilots coming back from flights, would write in any "US's" (unserviceable) that they might encounter.

Then the tech would write in the resolution.

I worked at this place for a while called ARDU, in Adelaide, unusually that place as it was all test aircraft, had many different types of aircraft, normally you work on just one type at a time.

Anyways, Pilot comes back from flight in a Dakota DC3 and writes in the "500"

"port engine missing"

tech writes

"Port engine found"

[Wiz]

Many many years ago I was a computer shop manager..... a guy had purchased a computer from me a few days before and came back into the shop - plonked the computer on the bench very angrily and said that it didn't work - he was very upset that he had paid some thousands of $s for something that was, in his mind, cr@p.....

So I told him, no probs, I'll check it and either repair it or refund your money..... plugged it in.... reached around the back and turned it on...... the computer booted up

He said "what did you just do!"

I replied..... "I turned on the power..."

Red faced he picked up his computer and stomped out of the shop

I had one Drumstruck, where a secretary working for the Industrial Relations commission, called me out because the floppy drive wasnt working.

I always asked the customer to demonstrate faults if they could for me, heres why....

She placed the floppy disk ( I shit you not) on the desk in front of the machine ( I aint lying here) and said...

"see, it doesnt work...."

I laughed, figuring she was having a go at me....

she wasnt.

I was really confused, I told her the floppy had to go into the drive.

I then put the floppy in the drive and started up the machine (was a dedicated word processor).

I asked her if everything was okay, she confessed to being a temp and had no idea what she was doing....

bizarre

[Ausrock]

In my RAAF days, each plane had a book called a "500".

In that book pilots coming back from flights, would write in any "US's" (unserviceable) that they might encounter.

Then the tech would write in the resolution.

I worked at this place for a while called ARDU, in Adelaide, unusually that place as it was all test aircraft, had many different types of aircraft, normally you work on just one type at a time.

Anyways, Pilot comes back from flight in a Dakota DC3 and writes in the "500"

"port engine missing"

tech writes

"Port engine found"

Now I've picked myself up off the floor...........I (seriously) grew up around aircraft and at an early age knew what it meant when I saw a "US" tag hanging on the spinner (for the un-aircrafty types, that's the pointy thing in the centre of a prop ), so in recent times I've occassionally hung a similarly marked tag on faulty gear at work only to be baffled why no one else understood what "US" meant.

[Alastair Reynolds]

[url][/ http://www.messybeast.com/dragonqueen/ground-crew.htm ][URL]

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[Wiz]

[url][/ http://www.messybeast.com/dragonqueen/ground-crew.htm ][URL]

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They are great!


I also recall one about a mouse, the pilot had written something about felonious fury creature in the plane...

I have one more great one from my airforce days.

At the same place I talked about earlier ARDU.. We got a new C.O (commanding officer).

He wanted to address the squadron and that day we wer having a squadron photo taken as well ( I will see if I can dig up the photo).

He stood on top of a set of platform to address us.

He talked like the stick up his butt, had a stick up its butt.

We used to joke, that he would eat a banana with a knife and fork..


So after about 20 mins of him...

"We'll chaps, chin up old bean, give it what for eh? Once more into the breech dear friends...." You get the idea.......

Then he says....

"Okay chaps, when you are given the command to dismiss, I want you to assemble yourselves in triangular formation for the photo, with its apex here, and extending out thusly and thusly......any questions?"

Wag up the back asks...

"Equilateral or isosceles ?"

I still have great chuckle remembering 250 blokes sniggering as one pompous farghead turned bright red....

No more war stories I promise....

[Alastair Reynolds]

I just about wet myself with the triangle line. I could just picture it.

[Julian Nichols]

A few years back I was visiting Brisbane for a few days, so decided to do a bit of busking in the Queen Street mall, playing some Irish fiddle. I was doing a fair trade when the ranger came up and told me that I needed a license, which could only be gained by attending an audition that only happened 4 times per year.

I explained to him that the policy pretty much wiped out the chance of visiting musicians having a go, and pointed to the pile of gold coins and notes in my case, trying to reason that I couldn't be too shabby if people were willing to pay. But he wouldn't have a bar of it, and told me that I had to move outside of the commercial district, and that if he caught me playing the fiddle in the mall again then he'd fine me hundreds of dollars.

So I moved off a number of blocks, to a much less desirable spot, and started sawing on the fiddle again. Next thing a half dozen musos walk past with guitar and instrument cases, give me the thumbs up and throw a few coins. Half an hour later I'm hungry, so I venture back into the Queen Street mall for something to eat. There, in the middle of the mall on a big stage, with lights and PA's and the whole deal, are the half dozen musos, blasting out Irish folk rock under the name "Murphy's Pigs". The free gig funded by the council no doubt. They spotted me, finished up the song, and the singer walked up to the mic, pointed at me and said "We'd like to introduce our new fiddle player... what's yer name?!"

Luckily I always have a pickup installed, so I jumped up on stage, plugged in and off we went. And yes, the ranger did walk past and see me halfway through our set, no I didn't get fined

[Drumstruck]

Only an audio engineer would think of this......

So, I was out walking my 2 kelpies along a bush track when the red girl stopped to do her business..... being the good environmentalist I got a plastic bag from my pocket whilst looking away to give her privacy..... when I turned back do you think I could find that dookie??? Couldn't see it, couldn't smell it...... so I stood and waited...... after a little while.............. zzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzT - THERE! the blowie had landed......

As I started this post - only an audio engineer would think to listen for the sound of s*&^

[stosostu]

One more RAAF story.

The Orion aircraft has a galley so that the crew can make a meal for themselves when on lengthy missions. The report in the "500" was, "The galley is not fit for pigs", the response from the groundcrew, "The galley is now fit for pigs"

It should be noted that the derogatory name for Officers, amongst the troops is 'pigs'.